Germany is a big place. Over 80,000,000 humans live within its borders. Its capital is called Berlin. All of these things are true. But what you might not know is that Berlin is an undiscovered jungle of aged beauty. I'm a foreigner myself and for the post few months I've managed to survive the day-to-day life of this city's ugly charm, getting from A to B with all my body parts still intact. Rated 6th best city in the world, Berlin has a lot more to offer than some outdated Nazi stuff and a shitty wall; rather a thrawling urban graffiti scene and a variety of architecture that puts the "God-awful" in Eastern Bloc. Think you're up for it? Then here's your guide to living and surviving in the Hauptstadt.
Food
If you didn't use Google translater at the end of the first paragraph then you're already one step closer to becoming a Berliner. What you will need is something to eat, however. Finding that in Berlin isn't a problem. Berliners - along with the rest of Germany - typically enjoy sausage, and to be more specific, the speciality of the dodgy-looking takeaway is Currywurst (curry sausage).
Somewhere in this "mess" there's a sausage. Somewhere. |
If that's not your thing, finding a fastfood alternative isn't hard at all. There's probably enough Burger King and McDonalds branches in this city to sink a battleship. In almost any main area or mall you'll find one waiting for you to eat its yummy chemicalised food. It is, however, a little more expensive so don't be surprised when a drink and large fries set you back 4,58€ (I'm not even kidding, I have the receipt). When you're looking to wine and dine, head over to Charlottenburg or Friedrichstraße for an endless variety of dining scenes and tastes. Just to the make the experience more realistic, ask the waiters to wear a stripped, black and white jumper and black beanie so you feel genuinely robbed once you see the end receipt. Just enjoy the experience. After all: you're on vacation!
Public Transport/Getting Around
Cars and Berlin go together like chalk and cheese. If you're sat thinking "I'll take the car so we can drive around" then I suggest you go to your car and hit it repeatedly until it looks like the winning team's machine on Scrapheap Challenge. Berlin offers a tram (Metro), an underground (U-Bahn), an overground (S-Bahn) and a bus system so punctual that running awkwardly for a missed bus will be a thing of the past. There are stations for each of these at almost every main area (including both airports) so you can't go wrong when deciding which method of transport is the most efficient.
For a split second, due to the speed, you enter a second universe. |
If you're wondering why you just stepped into a 1940s film scene of Berlin, don't worry. The day-to-day life of Berlin allows you to ride those old, European-style bicycles without the embarrassment! You can get them at most tourist spots for 10€ per day, give or take. Be careful, however: bike no like car. Car hit bike. You ouch! Seriously, you see more cyclists on car bonnets than on their Raleighs. Please be careful.
Walking, a dying discovery, is also a healthy method which will allow you to take in the fresh, polluted air and dodgy drainage systems. It is a perfectly reasonable of finding the small shops and cafés, which the endless tour busses seem to miss, especially in areas such as Kreuzberg or Schönhauser Allee.
People/Language
Yes, this really did happen. |
The lingo shouldn't be a problem either. It'd be a good idea to at least learn a few phrases like Hallo! and Tschüss! (Eng: Bye!, pronounced like "shoes") so you don't come across as just another total lazy, ass tourist, but generally there seems to be a slice of English on everyone's plate. Bask in the knowledge that those Spanish lessons you enjoyed skipping left you with one, tiny language whilst Franz, the waiter making a living off bringing you drinks, can speak more languages than a Rosetta Stone bonus CD. Nevertheless, just smile and speak English; ignorance is what we do best.
You weren't expecting anything else in this section really, were you?
Relax, Enjoy, Complain, Go to Tenefire Next Year Instead
I can't say it's true but the new free market on the East side is clearly booming. |
Book your ticket now for the chance of a lifetime. The beauty of this concrete jungle truly is unforgetable and the history which haunts its streets gives it a unique feel not offered in any other city - other than Chernobyl, they're still finding things hard to move on from. With this intensive, ultimate guide in hand, perhaps its about time you said "Fuck off!" to Butlins this year and "Hell yeah!" to post-Nazi modernism! Toll!
Written by Leon Kohlemann